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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26163517">i want to be your what's happening.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorwodka/pseuds/doctorwodka'>doctorwodka</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn. [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hunter X Hunter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>As fluffy as two murderers can be, Death Contract Proposal ♥, Fluff (kinda?), Hair Braiding, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Oblivious Illumi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 02:35:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,244</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26163517</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctorwodka/pseuds/doctorwodka</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"What do you want, Hisoka?"</p><p>Hisoka's eyes light up in nauseating delight.</p><p>"Well, you could come and-"</p><p>"No," the Zoldyck cuts him off with barely a blink of the eye, stopping what he knew to be a crude (but ultimately spurious) request in its tracks. "Something else."</p><p>The magician's eyes twinkle, and his lips are pressed together in a thin smile. He looked sated, but Illumi could recognize the look that the other got whenever he was shut down. He saw it fairly often enough that it'd grown almost amusing.</p><p>"Fine then," he says eventually. "Go get a brush. You'll distract me another way."</p><p> </p><p>AKA Hisoka Braids An Oblivious Illumi's Hair ASMR</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn. [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1915405</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>391</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i want to be your what's happening.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is,,,, my emotional support hisoillu fic. i am well aware that the two of them are slightly OOC, but sometimes you just need to project your need to brush Illumi's hair onto a fanfic tbh</p><p>ANYWAY. title is from Gallery Piece by of Montreal, which i'd consider a fairly good song to represent this. however, if you want a full hisoillu playlist to listen to while reading this, check out my spotify playlist for them at <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6uirqmBDbCjkM3fbROchG2?si=M4S2DFZzTSiwHKXTceWEjA">this link</a>!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Illumi had broken into Hisoka’s suite at Heaven’s Arena.</p><p>Again. </p><p>Slender fingers curled around the warm coffee mug in his hands that he had no intention of actually drinking, but he brought it up to his face regardless. Large, dark eyes peered over the rim at his host. </p><p>"I do wish you would let me just pour a mug of hot water for you, instead," Hisoka hummed from his position across the kitchen, amusement glittering in his eyes. "I miss my morning coffee. It’s not like you couldn’t just grab any hot cup and warm yourself up that way."</p><p>The 6AM sun was on the rise on the Heaven's Arena building, the sun glimmering off of highrise buildings. In Hisoka's suite, Illumi sat on the only stool next to his kitchen island, while the other Hunter leaned against the countertop. All Hisoka wore was a soft pink top and sweatpants, his magenta-tinted hair not yet styled out of his eyes. Illumi absently wondered why he didn’t keep his hair down more often, he was far more handsome with it down.</p><p>Hisoka, the devil on Illumi's mind, stretched languidly, much like a cat awakening from their nap. The movement makes the assassin blink, his dark eyes watching for barely a second as his host's shirt rides up. However, when he glances back up to other’s face, he knows that it was, sadly, long enough for the other to have noticed.</p><p>"I could, but you left it out for me," Illumi states simply after a long moment. And he had- the two of them had been playing this game of cat and mouse over a simple cup of coffee every time Illumi had broken in for months. It annoyed Hisoka, and it warmed up his chronically cold hands. In return, Illumi tolerated the magician for much longer than if he wasn’t at Heaven’s Arena. A win-win situation for both of them in the end, really.</p><p>But Hisoka was <em>smirking </em>. Nothing good came about when Hisoka started smirking.</p><p>With no makeup, no morning routine, and no coffee, Hisoka almost looked tired. In a lot of ways, he was much like anyone else, but Illumi wouldn't mention this very specific trait.</p><p> </p><p>He had tried to once, when he had been invited after informing the magician of needing a place to rest.</p><p>After Illumi’s rather stern attempt at shutting down the other’s earlier advances, combined with pointing out this aspect of his appearance, Hisoka kept him up all that night with his own... <em> guest</em>. A rather <em> loud </em> guest.</p><p>Asshole.</p><p>Had he no shame?</p><p>The answer to that question was, of course, <em> no, </em> as the magician had, of <em> course </em>, commented on Illumi's eye bags the following morning after he had ushered his exhausted guest out of the front door. Illumi, on the couch, watched the two with… what could only be described as murderous intent. Almost out of earshot, Hisoka laughed at a hurried question his guest sent his way.</p><p>
  <em> “No, don’t mind Illumi. He’s just rather shy, you know.” </em>
</p><p>The door was closed behind them. Illumi continued to stare down the magician who happily swayed into the kitchen.</p><p>“You could have joined, you know,” Hisoka had said cheerfully as he started to fix himself a cup of coffee. That had, in turn, got him a needle in the shoulder and a grumbled “<em> no thank you </em>” from Illumi. </p><p>Due to this, the assassin wasn't much of a <em> fan </em>of spending the night at Hisoka's suite anymore, but it still ended up happening despite his regrets every time.</p><p>Interestingly enough, Hisoka had never tried anything beyond his shameless flirting. Perhaps he recognized the fact that if he made one wrong move, there would be a needle in his neck before anything could happen.</p><p>Illumi was thankful for that, regardless.</p><p> </p><p>Hisoka's delicate expression grew into a smug smile as Illumi snapped out of his thoughts.</p><p>"I hadn't, actually," he says, sounding delighted and pushing off the edge of the counter to pad to Illumi's side. Despite his bare feet on the tile, he was silent, which was always a shock in comparison to his normal heels. A perfectly manicured finger was brought up, twirling a strand of long, black hair. His breath is hot on the assassin's ear. "You stole it from me. You should make it up to me."</p><p>Illumi just looks at the magician blankly, before setting the mug down on the counter with a soft sigh. If Hisoka had texted him this, he's more than certain he would have included a heart at the end of his message.</p><p>"What do you want, Hisoka?"</p><p>Hisoka's eyes light up in nauseating delight.</p><p>"Well, you could come and-"</p><p>"No," the Zoldyck cuts him off with barely a blink of the eye, stopping what he knew to be a crude (but ultimately spurious) request in its tracks. "Something else."</p><p>The magician's eyes twinkle, and his lips are pressed together in a thin smile. He looked sated, but Illumi could recognize the look that the other got whenever he was shut down. He saw it fairly often enough that it'd grown almost amusing.</p><p>"Fine then," he says eventually. "Go get a brush. You'll distract me another way."</p><p>Illumi watches him carefully, but nothing about his exterior changes. Manicured hands slipped down and around the mug that the assassin had abandoned, and the two locked eyes as Hisoka drank the cooling liquid slowly. His eyes crinkle with a smile, and something stirred in the eldest Zoldyck’s chest. It’s pushed away with a frown in favor of turning his back to his host.</p><p>Making himself vulnerable like that wasn’t something he often entertained, <em> especially </em>not around someone of Hisoka’s calibre.</p><p>Hm. He’ll have to ponder on that one later.</p><p> </p><p>And that's how Illumi found himself sitting on the older man's living room floor, his back to Hisoka's spread legs. Certainly not the exact position Hisoka had initially wanted, but he was in between the man's legs regardless, much to the assassin’s chagrin. It was, Illumi noted, still largely better than what it could have been.</p><p>Soft morning sunlight continued to flit through the living room curtains, slowly warming up the apartment from the night time chill. The now cold cup of coffee was held once again by the assassin, and finally he took a sip from it. It was overly sweet, being far too full of creamer and sugar that coated his tongue and almost fully disguised the taste of the beverage itself. It, surprisingly enough, didn’t taste… <em> too </em>bad, regardless of it being cold.</p><p>He paused at this, considering the cup with eyebrows raised. Growing up, the Zoldycks weren’t often given sweets, but that hadn’t stopped Milluki from having his candies and sodas, nor did it stop Killua from sneaking in his chocolate robots. Illumi, though he rarely indulged his own sweet tooth, couldn’t deny that the overly sweet coffee was... appealing.</p><p>Behind him on the couch, he heard the soft rumble of Hisoka’s amused hum. The eldest Zoldyck pauses before taking another sip, staying silent. He wasn’t going to complain to Hisoka, but nor was he going to mention how he liked the way the older man made coffee. After a long moment, he began to feel the glide of brush, starting from the bottom and slowly going to his roots.</p><p>No snags. Illumi secretly prided himself on his hair, so maybe he spent too long making sure it was strong and healthy enough to survive his missions. Despite this, Hisoka was still careful with the brush provided.</p><p>Lost in thought, he barely registered the other Hunter’s pointed nails start to separate his hair into sections. From what he could guess from feeling alone, it seemed to be the slow start of a simple French braid.</p><p> </p><p>Kalluto had tried this one on him, once, Illumi noted absently as he was lulled into a sense of… perhaps comfort? It had fallen apart within the hour, the eldest Zoldyck's hair not being much further past his shoulders than Kalluto's own hair at the time. Illumi hadn’t been too disappointed, then, since his brother was barely seven at the time, freshly returned from Heaven's Arena himself and looking to make up for his lost time there by overcompensating for everything.</p><p>It wasn't like Kalluto had many chances to fuss with long hair growing up. There was Kikyo, who entertained her youngest’s wishes enough already, and there was Alluka but… well. Kalluto wasn’t allowed down there with... Anyway.</p><p>Illumi maybe would say that he regretted not having grown his hair out sooner if it meant more time with his youngest brother. But he didn’t. Kalluto was already humored enough by their mother; just because he was the youngest didn't require him to be treated special, especially not by Illumi.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, Illu dear,” started Hisoka, maybe to break the comfortable silence that had overtaken them. Despite this, there was no continuation from his end, and the silence dragged on, finally palpable. </p><p>The assassin fought against the temptation to take another sip of coffee, but he still held firmly onto the mug in annoyance.</p><p>He could almost picture the way that Hisoka’s eyes crinkled in amusement at the discomfort he’s sure is written in his posture, and he frowns.</p><p>"What?" He almost turns around to look at the other, but fights against this urge as well.</p><p>The magician doesn’t pause as he begins his deft braiding of Illumi's hair, though Illumi wished he could see the other's expression.</p><p>He really needs to stop thinking about Hisoka like that.</p><p>Why does he keep thinking about Hisoka?</p><p>"I was just thinking about how easily I could kill you here and now," Hisoka says with a hum, as if they were simply talking about the weather.</p><p>Illumi's grip on the mug never wavers, though his pulse thrums loudly in his ears. Whether this is from fear or something else, he wasn’t too sure.</p><p>"You could," he replies, his voice methodically calm as his gaze slides over to the view outside, "but I don’t think you will."</p><p>The grip on his hair tightens for a moment, and Illumi lets his head lean back into the tug. From here, he can see a slight glimpse of Hisoka's amused expression, and he knows if the magician really wanted to, he could end his life in a matter of seconds.</p><p>Hisoka could snap his neck, or slice his jugular, or stab him and let him bleed out. Or maybe he’d come up with something new, surprising both of them. Hisoka was rather clever like that.</p><p>But he hasn't done any of that.</p><p>"Oh? What makes you say that?" The corners of his mouth quirked up into a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes.</p><p>llumi pauses to consider this, swallowing heavily despite how awkward the position made it. He looks back to their previous interactions, spanning back almost five years at this point. Had it really been three years since the two had agreed upon completing the Hunter Exam together? Memories with Hisoka really seemed to blur together.</p><p>"Because you haven't attempted to," he finally answers simply. "If you had intentions to kill me today, you could have done it at any moment. I've given you more than enough opportunities to. You certainly have <em> tried </em>before."</p><p>He doesn’t mention, however, how many opportunities that Hisoka had given Illumi to kill him just this morning alone. He could have killed him before he awoke, or poisoned his coffee, or gouged his eye out with a needle when the clown had gotten close enough to speak in his ear. </p><p>But he just… hadn’t wanted to. Not fully, at least.</p><p>"Hmm," Hisoka hums warmly, and Illumi feels the tension on his hair release. "Well said."</p><p> </p><p>As comfortable silence falls between the two once again, Illumi’s thoughts wander to when he had become comfortable enough with Hisoka to share a moment like this with <em> him </em>of all people. Deft hands slowly work through his hair, and he finally allows himself to become more and more relaxed as the minutes pass.</p><p>This was… actually rather nice. Calming. When had he ever let himself actually relax in Hisoka’s presence?</p><p>Well. Maybe he’s relaxed here, but he’s never let his guard down like this.</p><p>It was a moment of trust.</p><p>Hm.</p><p>He trusted Hisoka not to kill him at that moment. </p><p>What a scary thought.</p><p> </p><p>“--lumi.”</p><p>Illumi’s eyes finally flutter open —when had he closed his eyes? why has he been so lost in his thoughts today?— as he feels Hisoka’s own golden eyes drill into the back of his head. He turns his own head slightly to glance up at the magician, and the weight on his head tells him that the braid was finished.</p><p>It’s a long moment where the two watch each other, before Illumi decides to swiftly stand up. At his back, his normally barely noticeable hair thumps lightly against his back in the heavy braid. Illumi sends a glance down to his host, large eyes blinking owlishly at the… odd expression he finds on the magician’s face.</p><p>It’s nowhere near his normal too-smug smile, something a bit more soft in his expression that Illumi’s only seen on him maybe once or twice before. It’s only there for a moment, and then Hisoka is giving him that playful look of his once more.</p><p>“Sorry it took a bit longer than expected,” Hisoka lilts, carefully watching as Illumi wanders over to the hallway mirror. “I’m a tad out of practice with braiding hair. You’ll forgive me, of course?”</p><p>Illumi stays quiet, barely sparing his host a glance as he examines his reflection. Turning his head here and there, he watches as the long French braid bounces back and forth with unfamiliar weight.</p><p>Out of the corner of his eye, he watches as the magician moves from the couch to standing  behind him, simply… watching. Illumi pushes down that increasingly annoying feeling in his chest once again.</p><p>He can’t stop that fact that his voice is quieter than he intended it to be.</p><p>“You did well. Thank you, Hisoka.”</p><p>Hisoka’s eyes light up, and he smiles again. This time, it <em> does </em>reach his eyes. </p><p>“A compliment <em> and </em> thanks? How <em> sweet </em>, Illu,” he says softer, leaning in close enough that Illumi can feel his breath. “Maybe you should let me braid your hair more often, then, hm?”</p><p>Illumi considers this.</p><p>“..Maybe,” he eventually sighs, before freezing up as Hisoka wraps his arms around Illumi’s waist and resting his chin on the other’s shoulder.</p><p>The two of them stay like that for a long moment, Illumi frozen in place and Hisoka making the assassin itch for an escape route.</p><p>Their eyes lock in the mirror, and Illumi has never seen his own face look so… surprised.</p><p>And then it happens. Slowly, inch by inch, surprising both of them, Illumi does eventually relax into the magician’s grasp. Hisoka makes a pleased little noise, and with a small noise in return, the assassin slowly turns around, reaching up and loosely wrapping his own arms around his captor’s neck.</p><p>They stare at each other. Illumi’s unsure if it’s his pulse or Hisoka’s that is jackrabbiting.</p><p>He’s also unsure of who was the first to lean in.</p><p>It’s quick but fierce, the intensity of the kiss making Illumi’s head swim with too many and not enough thoughts all at once. Hisoka, somehow, tastes like bubblegum despite the empty coffee mug that sat on the coffee table.</p><p>Of <em> course </em>he tastes like bubblegum.</p><p>But then they break off to gasp for air, each quickly going back in for another searing kiss or a nip at the other’s lips. Illumi’s pretty sure his lip is bleeding, the copper tang slowly overtaking the bubblegum.</p><p>“Finally,” Hisoka murmurs with a grin, leaning back slightly and forcing Illumi to chase after him. “I thought you were going to bolt, dear. Leave me standing at the altar, so to speak.”</p><p>The assassin is nowhere near out of breath, he was trained far better than to let a clown of a man steal his breath, but it doesn’t stop the airinessin his voice. “I could. Leave you standing at the altar, I mean.”</p><p>Hisoka’s eyebrows shoot up, and his grin turns almost shark-like. “Are you saying you <em> would </em>leave me at the altar, Illu?”</p><p>It’s almost comical how quickly Illumi’s eyebrows furrow.</p><p>“No. I wouldn’t.”</p><p>“Would you like the chance to?”</p><p> </p><p>The silence between the two is deafening. Illumi blinks at him. Hisoka blinks back.</p><p> </p><p>“...What?” Illumi finally huffs out.</p><p>“What do you mean, <em>what</em>?”</p><p>Illumi’s grip around the other’s neck tightens. The hands on his hips felt like they were going to melt his skin off.</p><p>“Are you,” he starts slowly, “asking me if I would marry you?”</p><p>The magician rolls his eyes, hard.</p><p>“Yes<em>, </em> dear, I <em> am. </em>” </p><p>Illumi scoffs at this. How could a marriage to Hisoka <em> ever </em> benefit him? “Why would I <em> ever </em>get married to you?”</p><p>Hisoka’s thin eyebrows raise, and he lets out a loud laugh, as if that question was the funniest thing he’s heard all day.</p><p>“<em>Hisoka</em>,” the assassin huffs, frowning deeply as the man in question leans in and presses a sickly sweet kiss to his temple.</p><p>“How about this,” Hisoka murmurs warmly, as if this was the sweetest conversation he’s had with someone, “if anyone were to kill me, I’d rather like it be <em> you</em>, Illu. And I have a feeling you feel the same way, hm?”</p><p>He matches Illumi’s gaze, and the assassin in question feels his hackles raise at the thought, but… he can’t deny that Hisoka was right. Illumi’s emotions towards him may be conflicted, leaning more into possessive annoyance, but…</p><p>Well.</p><p>He would slaughter Hisoka’s killers indiscriminately, no questions asked.</p><p> </p><p>After a long pause, he lets out a small sigh and nods. Hisoka’s eyes crinkle in amusement.</p><p>“So I thought. Let me marry you, then. And,” he pauses, hums warmly, and reaches into his back pocket to produce a folded piece of paper, of which he offers to the assassin, “consider this your engagement ring.”</p><p>Illumi looks at him skeptically, pulling back to open up the paper. With a quick skim, his eyebrows raise impossibly high, looking back up at the magician with an impossible to read look. That annoying feeling is back in his chest.</p><p>“Hisoka. Is this a <em> death contract</em>?”</p><p>There’s a pause until Hisoka nods. Illumi then squints back down at the document, slowly continuing to read through the paper.</p><p>Somehow, his eyes get even larger.</p><p>“--When did you make me your sole beneficiary?”</p><p>“Just now, actually,” he smirks, letting his pink hued nen glow around the paper in his hand. “Texture Surprise is rather intuitive to use, you know. That’s just a mock-up, of course, I’m sure the lawyers would love to have a field day with this, but-”</p><p>“Yes,” Illumi cuts him off, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”</p><p>Something sparkles in Hisoka’s eyes, and his grin grows impossibly larger.</p><p>“Oh, <em> perfect</em>. Kukuroo mountain hasn’t seen a spring wedding in a while, has it?” the magician purrs. “Plus, I’m <em> sure </em>I’ll get along splendidly with mommy and daddy dearest. I promise to behave and everything.”</p><p>The assassin huffs.</p><p>“They’re going to hate you,” he replies, giving a small tilt of his head. “...But they will respect my wishes. Just don’t do anything ridiculous.”</p><p>Hisoka just <em> laughs. </em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>update: i am working on their spring wedding i promise!!! it'll be part of a separate work just bc it will be able to fit separately but its being worked on i PROMISE</p></blockquote></div></div>
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